small update.

I have some time to update while kyla is napping. Life has been hectic to say the least. We moved in the beggining of this month and nothing has gone smoothly since. Schedules have been getting screwed up and everytime I think I can get us all back on schedule something else occurs. I'm starting to look at stuff for Kyla's 2nd birthday. I seriously can't believe it is only 2 1/2 months away. We have had doctors appointments monthly watching her weight because she doesn't eat which then means she doesn't gain! :( She is starting to get a little better and this last appointment she gained six ounces!! I wish I knew how tall she was because she is so so so tall! She is talking up a storm. She says a new sentence everyday and repeats everything you say. I can't believe my little munchkin is going to be two. :( Today marks a week since I lost a friend (my best friend's boyfriend.. if you don't know see last post). I've been pretty much focusing on trying to keep my best friend sane through all of this. Which is pretty hard to do considering she lost the love of her life. I seriously can't believe I have nothing to say.. yep my life is pretty boring. Oh ty's 'probational period' is up meaning his job is secure and we (okay him and kyla) now have all the benefits. That was pretty exciting. Other than that nothing new has happened. I really need to start updating on this thing. It helps me get it all out and somewhat document kyla's life. well that's all for now.

R.I.P.

My first time blogging for a while and it is not exactly the best post. A friend of mine passed away on Thursday. I am still in shock and it still doesn't seem too real. He was my best friend's boyfriend. They have been together since we were freshman in high school and we have been out of high school for over two years. They were perfect for each other! They both just graduated from college and got jobs (she was supposed to start hers on Monday) and he had been at his job since about Feb. I think. He loved what he did! Now that she finally got a job they were going to buy a house together and finally start their lives together. It's really devastating! I'm sure by now your wondering what happened.. well he got in a motorcycle accident on his way to work. It was a single-vehicle accident.. that never should have occured! At the age of twenty, his life was cut short and hers was turned completely upside down. They are the reason I am with Ty. They introduced us to each other three years ago! Without them I wouldn't have Kyla. I think what hurts the most is knowing that theres no way I can take the pain away from her. There is really nothing I can do and I hate that. She was always there for me and the time she needs me the most I can't do anything. I just wish I could bring him back for her, but that's impossible. I know she is strong and I know that with time she will get through this but it tears me apart seeing her go through something like this. At this age, i'm still supposed to be dealing with the 'boy break-up drama' and not this! Especially with her. She is such an amazing person and they were such an amazing couple. My heart is breaking just typing this. I know this is all jumbled and probably hard to follow, but that is pretty much how everything has been for the past two days. Calling hours are tomorrow and I know that is when everything will be even more real. If you are still reading this then please keep the family and friends in your prayers. It's been a very rough time and they really need all the prayers they can get to get through this horrible time. R.I.P Tyler! You will be greatly missed!

19 1/2 months - WOW!

Well Kyla is 19 1/2 months old now. She is getting smarter every single day. It really amazes me how 19 months ago she didn't know anything and now it's amazing how much she knows! Toddlers learn things so darn fast! We had a little problem with her gaining weight and eating. She's such a picky eater to begin with and then she just stopped eating. Doctor couldn't find anything medically wrong with her so I guess it was just one of her crazy stages, but she ended up losing some weight. She is eating again and her last doctors appointment she was back where she usually is as far as weight goes. She has to go back this month again to make sure she is still gaining weight. She is supposed to be on pediasure, but for the life of me I can't get her to drink it. I even tried just putting a little bit in with her milk, but that didn't work. So she's on her multi vitamins and I am trying to get her to drink atleast three cups of whole milk a day which usually isn't much of a problem because she LOVES her milk! Oh and now her new stage is watching dora 24/7. If she is in the house dora HAS to be on. She throws a fit. She could be playing with her toys not even paying attention to it, but if I turn it off she starts saying 'Dora! Boots! Dora! Boots!' it's so annoying. I went to walmart and bought another Dora DVD (she already had two) and they are on so much that they are already starting to wear out. It really doesn't surprise me if she starts speaking spanish soon! Other than that nothing new has occured. Ty and I took her to the zoo about a month ago and she absolutely LOVED the aquarium. She just loves watching the 'fishies'. This summer we are going to try to find an aquarium to take her to. We also have a couple children's museums around us that I would like to take her too. I am pretty stoked for this summer! She is actually old enough to be able to do things with her. Well I need to finish my laundry so that's all for now.

Thought I was done.

I was going to be done with blogging, but I think i'm going to do this post for my sake. Went and looked at a couple of apartments yesterday. I got it narrowed down to two, which was pretty easy. The first one is an apartment complex and the other one is a duplex. Ty's cousin lives on the other side of the duplex (which is a positive). There both in good neighborhoods, but the apartment complex is pretty much by itself. It is its own little community which is a plus. It doesn't have a washer/dryer hook-up in it though (the duplex does) so I would have to pay 1.00 to wash and a 1.00 to dry. The washer and dryer is pretty much right outside my door (which is a big plus!) Since the duplex is has a washer and dryer hookup I would have to buy a washer and dryer.. which I would have to save up for. *sigh* and until then I would have to do laundry at my in-laws or my parents. The duplex is closer to tyler's work (by like three miles so not much) and it's close to my grocery shopping! (again only like three miles) The downfall of the duplex is it has steps (going down to the basement which there is a door that you shut and also going upstairs to the bedroom) and the only bathroom is upstairs! yikes. The apartment has two bedrooms two bathrooms. It's bigger and it's all on one floor (after you walk up steps to get to it, of course). It's also about 35-40 dollars more a month (plus remember I have to do my laundry). But theres more places for kyla to roam (the duplex only has a little yard). The apartment also comes with a swimming pool, fitness center, library, game room etc. So that's nice. I thought maybe typing it out on here would make my decision easier, but it didn't. *sigh* what to do.. what to do..

If she isn't her fathers child..

I must say to whoever invented 'tom and jerry' thank you! Because of you I can actually get laundry done. Kyla's eyes are glued to the tv (like her fathers are when tom and jerry comes on). I wouldn't ever think she would like it because it doesn't ever say anything, but she LOVES it! Judge me if you like, but I don't want to run naked! Enough said. haha Thats it. :)

This makes my sunday..

When I hear Kyla giggling in the background! She's so happy today! Want to know what else makes my Sunday? Going shopping! It's not going to be much fun, because im forced to leave her with Tyler. He says I don't get out much without her and I need this time to be 'not on mommy duty'. Makes sense.. Because I never get out without her, but it's because I can't stand to be without her! I'm worried I am just going to want to rush home and be with her. I'm so pathetic! haha. I will try to have a good time.. I promise! Update on Kyla: She is going through the 'i want to be independent stage'. It's so darn cute though! She wants to pick out her clothes every day, she picks out her own 'socks' and 'soes', and even wants to walk to the car (NOT CARRIED) and climb in herself. Oh and the most recent thing.. she wants to wipe herself when getting her diaper changed! Where did my little baby go?! I really want to work on potty training her when it gets warm out.. which hopefully will be soon! I've been reading a lot about it online and I think im going to try the three-day training or whatever it's called. Pretty much your letting the child run naked. I think I am going to give that a shot and maybe it will work. Or maybe not. We'll see. I am trying to stay positive though! She is young still (Only seventeen months old) so if she decides she's not ready i'll just wait. I don't want to be one of those parents that drives themselves crazy because their child just isn't catching on. (So if you notice I'm doing that please let me know!) haha. Well I think that's all for now. Hopefully I find some cute stuff for kyla while I'm out shopping!

So Insane!

So I put my blog as private because I was going to post pictures of Kyla (because I have that whole crazy fear thing going on). Well I am no longer going to post pictures of her at all! (Sorry Guys) Because my fears definately came true (not for me, luckily, but they happened to someone else). Theres a blog that I follow and she just posted about some woman stealing her pictures (Of her and her daughter) and posting them on the internet and claiming it's her.. with a different name and everything. It's insane! Perfect reason I did not want pictures of my daughter on the internet. Any creeper could take those pictures and post them ANYWHERE claiming kyla is theirs and what not. And strange people can see the pictures and it's just retarded. Nothing is safe on the internet. For real. So now I am really going to keep pictures of kyla off of here. For good. But a positive my blog will stay public so people will actually know when I post. (I hate that about being private). People can steal my words and crap, but stealing pictures of my daughter.. heck no! I know there is a way to make it so people can't do that, but I dont know how. So for people that do post pictures of their children on here (i am not bashing you in any way, by the way!) Make sure you keep on the look out for crazy creepers like the person who did this! That's all for now. :)

Stress, Stress, Stress!

My stress level is super, super high right now. So, we have decided not to take that house and instead are going to move closer to tyler's work (and further from my family). Kind of a bummer. But for only a hundred dollars more a month we will be cutting his commute time by half. Pretty worth it to me. Yes, we will have to live in an apartment and yes it's not very big but he has the eat in kitchen, living room, two beds and a bath and that's all we really need. I know they are good because my friend lives there! :) It's in a really cute area. I think we might go up and fill out an application today. Or possibly tomorrow. We'll see I guess. I am just so ready to finally move out of my parents house. So, so ready! Lately, tyler and I have been sleeping out in the living room on couches so Kyla can have her own room because she sleeps better when we aren't in their. I've been ready for so long to get our own place, but since tyler's last job had horrible pay we couldn't. Now that he has an awsome job I am more than ready! We'll so how all of this goes. I really don't want anymore let downs. I promise guys I will get the park pictures up soon. I misplaced my digital camera. :( I will be on a search though, promise! Oh by the way since I put my blog back to private it no longer tells you when I update. Dumb, I know!

Okay, I promise I will get a post on here for you guys! I'm running a tad behind :( But, a positive I have pictures of Kyla at the park :) Yay! I have some running around to do today and then I will get these pictures on.

I'm a party pooper.

I'm not going to do that 'ten things' thing. It's not because I don't want anybody to know all the good stuff about me, it's because I can never think of things like that when I'm put on the spot. So if there is anything you want to know about me just ask me! I'll be open :)

The weather is going to be beautiful today so I am excited to take kyla to the park! I am hoping it'll put us both in a good mood. Maybe it will even make her sleep better tonight (boy I hope so). As of right now she is screaming in her crib because I didn't give her a cup. Oh yes, I am THAT mean. It's getting pretty ridiculous.. she is waking up 2-3 in the night for the dang thing. I seriously thought we were out of this stage a long, long time ago. So I'm going to start putting my foot down! :)

I'm sorry I haven't had any pictures up for you guys, but for some reason everytime I take the camera out she runs. She used to love pictures! Another one of her crazy stages..? I hope so! I am really, really going to try to get some pictures at the park! I have to remember to take my camera first haha. I can never remember that thing and pictures on my phone pretty much blow. I don't have one of those awesome smart phones. Ty keeps trying to talk me into them, but I refuse to pay for them. That's another like fifty bucks on our bill.. no thanks!

Remember that quilt I said I really, really wanted to make?! It was a few posts back (cmon you can't forget I dont write THAT much) well here is the link!http://www.soyouthinkyourecrafty.com/1999/12/anthropologie-inspired-knotted-quilt-tutorial-pt-1/

Isn't it so pretty! I love, love, love it! Seriously! I want that on my bed. Probably not white though because I doubt it would stay white very long. It really doesn't look/sound hard to do, but I have no crafty skills at all! Oh, and speaking of crafty skills.. guess what I got.. my great grandma's sewing machine. The thing still works! (By the way she died when I was six and she's had this thing since she was married.. how crazy is that?!) I refused for them to get rid of it considering she had it so long. When she died, my aunt got it and well now my aunt passed away so I'm taking it. Me with a sewing machine is going to be interesting to the least. I am determind to use it though. I don't want it to sit their and collect dust.

I think that's all I have for now. Remember, ask questions if you would like! And I will try super, super hard to get pictures of kyla at the park.

Edit: I am going to put the questions asked on here so everyone can see the answers :)

Q: Do you have something your terrified of: I could go on forever. I'm afraid of spiders, snakes, rats, mice, bugs, bees etc. My biggest fear would have to be heights though. Completely terrified to the point where I can put myself into a panic attack! When I go on rides and you have to climb the big, tall stairs to get to it I end up freezing half way and shaking. and if someone touches me I freak out! It's horrible!

Q: Are you outgoing or laid back: I used to be super outgoing until I had Kyla. Now I am a little more laid-back and a little less adventurous. I would still rather be out and about then in though (that will probably never change).

Q: What kind of food do you like: My biggest love is Taco Bell! I can't ever get enough of it. Tyler doesn't like it though so the only time I can have it is when we go to the one close to us that has a KFC attached to it.

Q: Are you body conscious: I don't want to sound super conceited, but not really. Do I have the body I used to have before Kyla? Absolutely not! Do I wish I did? Of course! But I don't fret about it anymore. I weigh 125lbs (weighed 115 before kyla) so I still have ten pounds to lose, but I'm not even trying. I don't need to be 'super skinny'. Tyler thinks im beautiful and Kyla loves me and that is all that matters! I weighed 130-135 last summer and walked around in a bikinni and I didn't give even care. ( I wish I had that attitude about my weight and body before Kyla!)

Rambling.

Can I start off by saying I freaking hate this nasty, nasty weather? I just want to see some sunshine. Maybe that will put me in a little better mood. That being said I've been in a pretty grumpy mood lately. Not for any specific reason (maybe other than lack of sleep.. more on that later) it just seems like the smallest stuff is annoying the crap out of me. I'm moving April 2, which is roughly 17 or 18 days (give or take a few days) which sounds like a loong time, but I feel like it's not. I feel like I have this huge long list of things that I need to do before then. Maybe it's the perfectionist in me.. who knows. I always need everything to occur in a timely matter and I need everything to be perfect! So maybe I'm afraid it won't.. I've even started packing! I don't want to wait till the last minute and be even MORE stressed! I would list what all I had packed already, but I forgot. How do you forget what you already packed?! Yikes! I know I packed all of our summer clothes, the decorations that were sitting on my headboard and kyla's dresser.. which was pretty much all pictures of her.. some towels (because of course I still need some) and I think that might be it. It felt like a lot until now. Maybe that's why I am so stressed.. because I still have SO much to do. *sigh*

So about my lack of sleep. I told everyone how kyla was wanting a cup and crap to take to bed yeah well that is followed by wanting in my bed too. Seriously?! It's so aggravating. So I gave in and whatever and let take the freaking cup (i'll break that dang habit later.. I need some fricken sleep!) But I don't want her in bed with me! I get the worst sleep EVER when she is in there. It's horrible.. it really is. She had about two nights in a row that went well.. the one night she woke up and I got her back to sleep within an hour the second night she didnt wake up at all. Hallelujah! (it's seriously been about two weeks since she's slept through the night.. possibly more.) I guess she made up for that last night, because she was horrible. So being the horrible mom I was I gave her the stinken cup in the middle of the night right? Gave her kiss laid her back down and that all was fine and dandy.. wrong, wrong, WRONG! She screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed.. and when I say screamed I mean SCREAMED. It was horrible. I think my neighbors heard her (mind you my neighbors are a good ways away.. I live on 15 acres of land) and she did that until she started gagging. Well obviously I couldn't just let her sit in their and make herself gag (see I am a good mom!) so I was like alright well i'll take you out of your crib and put you in your toddler bed (yes she has two beds up.. long story) and I'll lay with you. Perfect! She fell alseep.. I went to get up and it started all over again. I eventually gave in and put her in bed with me. I couldn't take it anymore.. I desperately need some sleep.. I have a lot to do! I think this whole situation is my biggest stress factor. I try so dang hard not to get her on bad habits and at seventeen months old she is doing the two biggest bad habits I said I wouldn't ever let her do (cup to bed and sleeping in my bed). Now don't get my wrong I am so for co-sleeping. If it works for your family then fantastic! It does NOT work for mine. If I were to co-sleep I would need a king size bed (we have a queen now) because she takes up SO much room.. such a little stinken girl. It blows my mind. And I spend half the night getting kicked (she sleeps like her momma) and it's such a hassle. I don't want to make excuses, but I think it's from getting her teeth. She got her one back tooth a couple weeks ago (and let me tell you that was pure hell) and I felt on the other side yesterday and it was swollen SO i'm really thinking she is getting another tooth. Could that be why she wants her momma? If so, I will feel horrible making her cry in her crib when she is in such agonizing pain and she wants me to snuggle her back to sleep.. (by the way I gave her teething tablets last night before bed thinking that might solve the problem.. and as you can see it did not). I just really want to get her back in her bed before we move because then I'm afraid I'll never get her in it after that! The move is going to be stressful enough on her and I don't want to make it worse by moving and putting her to bed in a room she's never seen in her life.. that's pretty scary! and I really don't want to keep her in my bed until we move and then until she gets used to the house because that's way to long for me. Considering I rambled so much about this problem I would probably say yes that is my biggest stress! Please tell me I am not alone.. Please tell me your kids went through this (and if they didn't then LIE! just kidding)

Enough Rambling. Good bye. :)

Excited!

So I got the phone call on Thursday that Tyler and I go the house for rent! Yay! :) We move out April 1st (actually second since the first is a friday), but they keys are ours then. I am pretty excited and nervous all at the same time. Kyla doesn't handle change well... at all! When we travel she gets constipated (every time, it never fails) and she doesn't sleep unless it is in her bed in her room. I thought she would outgrow that as she got older, but she definately didn't. I had to say at tyler's parents a couple weeks ago due to a crap ton of snow and she was up all night. It was ridiculous. She won't even nap anywhere else. It's crazy. This girl thrives on consistency. So to say this is going to be tough on her would be an understatement. On a positive note, moving/packing is great motivation to do some spring cleaning! I have actually thrown so much away today.. I didn't realize how much shit I actually had shoved in closets. Yikes! I also have two boxes packed! One is mine and tyler's summer clothes and the other box is clothes kyla doesn't fit into yet. It's hard to pack this soon, because I might need some of the stuff.. but at the same time I don't want to wait till the last minute either.. So I am just trying to pack what I can.

I also plan on starting kyla on potty training soon (not too soon, obviously, since were moving) I am going to wait until we are all settled their and she is used to it. I started it a little bit when she was 15 months old, but I ended up stopped. She kept getting sick or I was sick and we had that death in the family and stuff so I just put it on hold. I don't want to push something like this on her during stressful situations. Anyways, I am thinking about using those training underwear. I really dislike pull-ups.. because I mean they feel EXACTLY like diapers. How the heck is she going to know the difference? The training underwear feel like big girl underwear, but yet have a little bit of padding to help catch some of it. It also will give her the 'wet feeling'. I am hoping that will help her want to go on the potty. Does anyone have experience with these? I would love the feedback! Since I am kind of looking at those versus the pull-ups I got into the whole reading about cloth diapering stuff. I really regret now not cloth diapering. I feel insane saying that, but I am serious. I have had such a hard time with diapers on kyla. She can only use ONE kind of diaper. With all of those diapers on the market and I can only use one of them. She breaks out bad from all of them. I think I could have saved us a bunch of fuss if I would have atleast tried them. Her doctor said she's probably breaking out from the chemicals used in them (Wow.. chemicals.. that makes me feel like a crappy mom! no wonder she's breaking out i'm putting chemicals on her butt). It's the same way with wipes (but a tad better) I think she can use atleast three different types of wipes (only two brands though.. pampers and huggies). My guess would be pull-ups will probably break her out too. It wouldn't surprise me at all. So I really feel the training underwear are our best options.. and at the same time there are so many brands I don't even know what to choose! :( Maybe this potty training stuff is going to be more stressful to her than it is me...

I didn't really want to ramble that whole time about diapers and rashes and etc. I just wanted to tell everyone our exciting news and mention the training underwear. Sorry for getting a little out of control! I'm sure you forgive me though, right? :) Well I need to get a shower and get ready for bed. Tyler works all weekend so I will probably be stuck at home so i'm sure nothing exciting will happen. I hope everyone else has a great weekend though! :)

War Time.

Okay, seriously kyla?! Let me tell you this story. From day one kyla has NEVER had a bottle/cup in her bed.. I never associated the two together. She would drink her bottle (or now cup) THEN go to bed. So now why does she put up a fricken fight when I take it away.. and when I say fight I mean fight. She literally grabs a hold of it as hard as she can and screams bloody murder. Where the frick do that come from?? I mean really! She held onto it SO tight tonight that when I let go she smacked herself in the head with it. Where is this coming from?! OH and it doesn't stop there so I'm like sorry I am putting my foot down your not getting this damn cup child. I am the mother and I say so. Well she now wakes up in the middle of the night wanting a cup. Seriously kid?! You haven't gotten up in the middle of the night for a 'drink' (or meal since you were so small) since you were three weeks old. THREE WEEKS! You have been sleeping through the night (without a damn drink) since you were three weeks old.. and now at 16 1/2 almost 17 months you NOW want to wake up in the middle of the night?! Ugh! I am clue less. I am all for the cry-it-out method (judge if you want) but lately that doesn't even work. In the middle of the night she will scream for ATLEAST two hours. It's horrible. I know someone who puts their child to bed with a cup and then when she falls asleep she switches it out with a fresh one so if she wakes up she will drink it and go back to sleep.. and that's fine and dandy for her.. but I don't think I want to start that bad habit. I have worked my ass off for (almost) seventeen months to not get her started on any nasty habits.. (I took the binkie and bottle away before she was one just so I knew she wouldn't get attached) and now I am stuck in this awful dilemma. If anyone has any advice that would be wonderful! I really just needed to vent this all out!

P.S. Kyla I will win this war :)

Animal Sounds.

Me: Kyla what does a dog say?
Kyla: Woof Woof
Me: What does a chicken say?
Kyla: Cluck cluck (no idea where she got cluck cluck, but she won't say anything else!)
Me: What does a cow say?
Kyla: moooo
(this was the other day.)

Now this is what she said today.

Me: Kyla what does a chicken say?
Kyla: Cluck cluck!
Me: good job! cow?
Kyla: MOOOOO!
Me: yay! What does a dog say?
Kyla: grrr.
(wtf?!) haha. She has obviously been around a grumpy dog?

It seems like everytime I turn around..

I am apologizing on here. I said I was going to private this and start posting pictures and by that i'm sure you guys thought I meant soon (correct?). Well it was supposed to be soon, but then there is this thing called the flu that came across our household which put everything on hold! :( Today I will TRY to put some pictures up and private this thing.. but i'm sure you can imagine how my house looks since we've all been sick. yuck! Kyla's feeling better too (so far) so she should be a good picture taker! Let's hope ;)


Edit: I am going to make this easier on myself. Since I didn't realize I had to 'invite' people to my private blog.. if you want to be invited for when I make this blog private give me your email addresses and I will invite you! :) Thank you!

Private.

It was brought to my attention that I can make my blog private (if you are reading this- thank you!). I think it will help my fears of posting pictures of my daughter on here (yes.. I am THAT crazy mom). This way I know exactly who is looking at them, because lets face it.. there are tons of creepy people out there. So here is the heads up.. Soon my blog will be private! :) Positives - I will start showing off pictures of Kyla and maybe say some things i've been holding back in case people I know are actually reading this. So to say the least im pretty stinken excited! :)

I was excited to take cute little pictures of Kyla all dressed up from yesterday. Well, that didn't happen. She came down with the flu and was throwing up everywhere (disgusting!) So she stayed in her jammies all day. (no cute dressed up pictures). Good news is she is feeling better today! I am glad it was only a twenty-four hour thing.. nothing breaks my heart more than seeing her miserable. :(

I really don't have anything to say. By the time my next post hits my blog will (hopefully) be private. I just have to figure out how to do it.. so if anyone knows how will you gladly help me? :)

Sad Week.

I know I said I would post pictures Monday ( and it is now Weds with no pictures) but, this week has NOT gone as planned. Sunday morning we got the call that Kyla's great-grandmother (tyler's grandma) passed away. So instead of this being an exciting week it has been pretty much everything but that. Calling hours are tonight with the funeral tomorrow morning followed by a dinner to celebrate her life. I am actually NOT looking forward to any of this. Not only are Kyla and I battling a HORRIBLE cold (which we finally got on antiobiotics for) but she is also getting a tooth (which makes her super, super fussy) Yikes! And because calling hours are tonight she will be out past her bedtime which will make her even more cranky. :( I feel bad because I don't want to be out around people sick (but need to be their to support ty) and I don't want kyla out all sick and crabby (but that's her great-grandma) so she SHOULD be there. :( I guess i'll update on how it goes. Tomorrow after the funeral and dinner, tyler has to go up to school and take a quiz and a final exam.. not exactly the way he should be spending that day. I hope he does good on it considering he hasn't had ANY time to study and tomorrow is going to be very stressful. To top it off, he is one of the men carrying the casket. That has to be tough :( I couldn't even imagine. I am just hoping he will be able to do it.

Monday night we did get to pick up the car though.. in the middle of an effing blizzard. Seriously snow?! You couldn't have waited?!?! Ugh. I'm so sick of snow.. Spring please come! Anyways, it runs awsome! I love, love, love it. OH.. and I looked at the gas mileage thingy on the dashboard and it said 27.. !!!!!!!! That may not be exciting for you, but I havent seen anything over 16 for a whole entire year! I am so happy that this is going to save us SO much on gas! And for once I actually own a nice, reliable car! I still can't believe it's mine though. I guess it will set in when I make the first car payment haha.

I guess that is all for now. I really want to post a picture of kyla in her little dress I bought, but I'm still a little eery about posting pictures of her *sigh*. I guess it'll just be a surprise to everyone to see if I actually do or not :)

Short and Sweet.

I am now the proud owner of a 2010 pontiac g6. :) I will post pictures Monday when we pick it up. It has to go through the inspection bull crap this weekend. I'm super excited! :)

Toys.

As of right now, I am that crazy mom searching through the internet trying to find out what my child's problem is and what I can do to fix it. This kid is spoiled.. plain and simple. I'll be the first to admit it. She has 5487221 toys. No kidding. They are taking over the whole house! The thing is she won't freaking play with them. I don't understand! For example: She points to her blocks and says 'dis dis' so I ask 'do you want your blocks?' she replies 'yes.' so I get them down and she gets excited and wants me to dump them out so I do and then she walks away. WTF?! Okay whatever maybe she is going to play with something else but she wont. She'll grab and toy and then put it down literally two seconds later. I'm not sure if she is bored with her toys or if this is just a phase. I'm thinking about going to toys r us and having her pick out some new and exciting toys, but I don't want people to be like 'wow your freaking retarded. don't you think she has enough toys?' and the truth is she does! But what is the point of having all these toys that she wants NOTHING to do with? I don't want her to be bored.. which I think she is. Last time she went to the doctor she was starting to do things a two year old was doing.. she was way way way past her age. (by the way she went to the doctor about a month or so ago) and the doctor said that might be why she throws so many temper tantrums during the day is because she's bored. Okay.. so I try to do different things with her but it's not working. I seriously think I am boring her. She did really get into coloring, but that ended. Now she just wants to eat the crayons. Any advice would be awesome! Is this a stage? Or do I seriously need to go out and get her different toys? If so, what would you recommend. Thank's so much!

Shopping!

So today (as is every other friday) was grocery shopping day. Not only did we have to do our grocery shopping, but we also had to buy tyler a new pair of steel toe work boots for work (he starts monday - yay!). Since I know nothing about work boots (and could honestly give a crap less) I went upstairs to the baby section. Let's start out by saying I no longer shop in the 'baby section'. 2t is in a completey different section. When did this happen?! When did I 'graduate' from shopping in the baby section. Wtf!! This upset me. But okay I can deal with this. I don't need that stupid baby section anyways.. Kyla will soon (or not...) be in 2t so that is where I did my looking today. So i'm in sears.. in the toddler section (or whatever you call that section) and there are clearance and sale signs EVERYWHERE. Score! I kept telling myself that I am going to buy a size up so Kyla will grow into it. She can't be in 18 months forever. I bought her an easter dress (originally 36.00 for 9.00!), a pair of pants (originally 6.00 for 2.00) a skirt ( originally 6.00 for 2.00) another pair of pants (originally 14.00 for 4.50) another cute little dress (originally 24.00 for 6.00) a shirt (originally 10.00 for 2.50) and I think that's it. I had a million things in the cart, but since we didn't exactly come for that I limited myself (although i'm kicking myself in the butt for it now). I bring all this stuff home and play 'dress up' with kyla. (If you ask her if she wants to try the stuff on she will scream and run away.. which is why I bring them home to try them on instead of in the fitting rooms). So everything I bought was 2t. Can you say HUGE! I'll be lucky if she gets into them by next year!! The dresses and shirt aren't so bad because they cant fall off of her but those pants.. poor little girl.. when she walks they fall off! Completely off. I really should have known because even her eighteen month clothes fall off.. but she is starting to outgrow them in length. She can't wear a belt with everything! And the one pair of pants I bought her are an elastic waist.. and still huge! It cracked me up when I put them on her though because she would walk holding up her pants. It had to be one of the cutest things! She also had to turn around to show me that her little butt (or diaper) was hanging out! I told tyler that we just might have to go back and buy some more in eighteen months! (Let's see if he actually lets me). Even though they do not exactly fit her she still LOVED them. She loved her little easter dress the most. I put it on her and she had to pose in it and she kept saying 'cheese' so I would grab the camera and take her picture. Conceited much? I think so! All in all today was a good day. I bought my groceries, got ty his new work boots and even bought kyla some clothes! Perfect day! Now only if this stupid cold weather could be replaced my nice warm weather.

My Story - Here it is..

Why am I seeing young girls (when I say young I mean early teens.. 14,15, 16) wanting to get pregnant.. Yes you heard correctly.. WANTING. I wish I can change this.. I would be ecstatic happy if I could just change the mind of one girl (or two). So I am going to speak up. This is going to be long so you can stop reading now if you like. I am going to speak my mind (sorry if I offend anyone) and I am going to give the negatives of teen pregnancy (if you want to think I’m a bad mom with what I am about to say then fine so be it). I do not regret my daughter.. I regret the decisions I made.. The dumb retarded decisions.

I was like every other girl.. I couldn’t get pregnant. I got good grades.. I had a lot of friends.. I knew a lot of people.. And these people could say horrible things about me! That was my mind set. It is the mind set of most teenagers. I was in a serious relationship. When I lost my virginity I did not use a condom. I was petrified! What if I was pregnant?! What was I thinking?! Am I retarded?! Yes Mandy you are retarded! From now on I will always use protection! So I did.. But we dated and dated and dated. Condoms went out the window.. And the pull out method came in. We used it and we were fine. Maybe one pregnancy scare, but we got through it. No pregnancy. We broke up and I found another guy. We started out using condoms (great, right?) but that soon went out to window, also. Way too soon. For a dumb reasons ( I didn’t want to keep remember my ex as the only guy I didn’t use protection with). I wasn’t worried.. At all to be honest. I mean I used the pull out method for a while with my ex and nothing happened. I ended up getting on the pill. This little pill was it! I would never get pregnant now. Well here’s the reality. NOTHING IS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT EFFECTIVE. I know.. You’ve heard a million of times like I also have. I got sick.. My period was late.. Great. One month of not using the pull-out method and I was pregnant. I had been on the pill for a couple of months too. Never missed a dose… and I was pregnant. I was a senior in high school.. How can I be pregnant?! What if people find out?! Great.. I am now another statistic.

I am going to put this very bluntly.. I ruined my senior year of high school. This is supposed to be the best year of my life and it is SO far from that. I missed so much school due to morning sickness. In between classes my friends were holding my books so I could puke. This is NOT how I envisioned my senior year. I ended up missing prom. My senior freaking prom. I was too sick to go. Why spend all that money to puke?! It seemed retarded, but I was upset. So I graduated and became the talk of my class at graduation because I had a ’belly’. They never noticed it because I ended up wearing hoodies so that they didn’t notice it. I had so many plans for the summer before college. I was going to go away with all my friends and ‘party’ ( I didn’t drink but you can have a good time without drinking) the summer away. That didn’t happen at all. My pregnancy was miserable.. My back hurt all the time, I had contractions all the time, and my feet hurt so bad.. I didn’t even want to leave the house half the time. Plus it was hot out.. I don’t need to explain how that feels pregnant, do I? It’s horrible (plain and simple). Not only that, but my friends stopped talking to me. I don’t blame them.. What fun was some huge, Prego girl? I was no longer part of their world.. But I didn’t give up! I was NOT going to lose my friends. Summer came and went. I started college. I was so excited to kind of get back in the swing of things.. But I took all online classes (they told me it was my best option). My contractions were getting worse (so my doctor told me to take it easy) so they figured it would be best to stay home and I also wouldn’t have to worry about missing school when I had my daughter. Well.. There went my ‘swing of things’. I made the best of it though. It was nice to start learning again and I wasn’t known as the pregnant teenager.. Since nobody could see me! It was really nice.

My daughter was born in the middle of October. She had bad timing.. Exams were coming up!! I emailed my prof. and they told me to just get back on after I got home from the hospital. So much easier said then done. I lost so much blood (one point away from getting an infusion) so I was so weak, plus I was taking care of a newborn. Tyler went back to work right away.. It was hard juggling a newborn and school. I got SO far behind.. But I did end up catching up. I finished off the semester with a 4.0. AND some of my friends actually started talking to me again. SCORE!

The ‘new baby’ excitement wore off. My friends were trying to invite me to go out while everyone was home for winter break. When I mean they wanted me to go out I mean at like midnight to a club. HELLLOOOO!?! So of course I was like ‘so what am I supposed to do with kyla’ and I got back “oh yeah.. You’re a mom now”. Goodbye old friends. How much worse can this get?! I missed out on my senior year.. My senior prom.. I was the talk of my graduation (for not a good reason) and now I lost all my friends. So school started back up (Thank God!) I can get my mind of all this shit. Now that Kyla was a little older.. Studying became almost impossible. Kyla wanted me ALLL the time. If I tried having other people watch her she would scream and scream and scream the ENTIRE time. No kidding! It was ridiculous. I still struggled to keep up with the classes that I did have. Luckily, I finished the semester up and still got a 4.0 (but it was so much more difficult than I ever could have imagined). Life doesn’t get easier either. I thought it would.. I never knew parenting was so freaking difficult. There are times (many times) that I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I don’t get to sleep in anymore like someone my age usually does. I am up at 6 am every morning (or earlier if kyla chooses). If she wakes up in the middle of the night because of a fever I have to get up too. I don’t get to go out and do whatever, whatever I want. I have someone relying on me 24/7. It is a never -ending job. I no longer have any friends.. Nobody understands me.. We live in two completely separate worlds. Tyler and I used to be the ‘perfect’ couple that everyone envied. Now we fight.. A LOT! We fight about shit couples my age shouldn’t fight about. We shouldn’t have to worry how much diapers are going to cost this month or making sure my daughter keeps health insurance during his switch of jobs. This isn’t what a twenty year old should be doing. My college is officially on hold. I need to find something that doesn’t take so much time away from my daughter (because I don’t want to put her in daycare) and we really don’t have the extra money. So, of course I put my dreams on hold for her. Parents have to give and take… a lot. I really don’t understand why you would willingly give up your teenage years for dirty diapers, endless sleepless nights, spit up all over you, belly aches, constipation, doctors appointments, chasing around a toddler, stopping him/her from getting into everything etc. Don’t give me wrong motherhood is great.. But it will be GREATER when your older.. And more financially stable. If there is one thing I would change it would be my money situation. There is so much more I wish I could give my daughter (that she deserves) that I no I cant. So if you can’t wait for yourself.. Wait for your future child. You don’t want to deal with the stresses of motherhood while trying to finish high school and figure out who you are all at the same time. Girls have so many years to have children.. But once you have one you can’t take it back. You can’t get your teenage years back. These years are over soon enough as it so you might as well enjoy it while you have it. I will never get my senior year back.. Or any of these other years. Don’t get me wrong.. I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I did this to myself. I love my daughter with everything I am, but for her sake I wish I would have waited and been more careful. She deserves SO much that I know I can’t give her at this age. It sucks.. It really does. She deserves so much that I can’t give her.. Instead were struggling to try to give her everything she needs/wants. Not exactly the life I pictured giving my child.

Sorry.

I know I said that I would get the teenage pregnancy post on here butttttt, i'm slacking -hardcore! Between my washer going down (and having to go to my in-laws to do laundry) and preparing for this stupid winter storm and the fact that I leave my laptop in the bedroom where kyla is sleeping (way to freaking go!) I haven't had time. :( I have it started.. well it's almost finished.. I just need to go back through and check it and finish it up. So i'll get it to you..eventually. haha

So Tyler and I did our income tax.. pretty freaking exciting! :) We are using it to put towards my student loans, put some into savings and then the rest is going on a down payment on a car! This will be my first time ever making a payment on a car. Yikes! My last car tyler and I paid cash for. We're still not a hundred percent sure what car we want, but with tyler's one hour commute to work and another hour commute to school our 16 mpg SUV isn't cutting it. So far I think I have my little heart set on the pontiac g6, but that could change! I have a lot of looking and test driving to do. I'll keep everyone updated on how my search is going.

Since this weather is so horrible tyler took today off of school and will probably take tonight off of work! :) I'm trying to spoend all the time I possibly can with him this week, because next week he starts his new job and with school and work I will literally NEVER see him. It's pretty much going to suck but you have to do what you have to do. I'll post again later either with my post i've been working on or a new post!

Coming Soon..

I am writing a post about my story.. as a teen mother. I am writing the negatives.. in hopes of someone reading it and choosing the wait to have children instead of having them at 14,15,16 etc. Heads up: It's SUPER long! And you may read it and be like 'wow! how can you feel that way' and if that is how you feel then that's fine.. but I want to prove to other teenagers that being a teen parent isn't all great! I just wanted to give everyone a small warning. It will probably be posted tomorrow or the next day. That is all for now!

Thanks :)

Random.

Let me start off by throwing this out here .. the reason I do not have any pictures of my daughter on here is simple.. I don't like putting pictures of her on the internet for all people to see. I love blogs with pictures (don't get me wrong), but theres this part of me that wonders who actually looks at these things.. pervs? It's quite possible! I know, it's strange, but hey.. it's whatever! Just a little information I'm sure some of you guys' were wondering about.

My job as a SAHM is household 'duties'. I don't mind.. really. Tyler goes to school full-time and works so the least I can do is keep the house clean and make him food right? Plus, I don't work outside of the home and until I can make up my damn mind on what I want to study in college I am no longer in school. So its the least I can do. but there is one chore that I can't stand.. dishes. You can laugh at me all you want, but I am so serious. I will do laundry any day of the week, clean the bathroom etc. but I hate doing dishes. It makes my hands dry and they itch and yuck.. stupid dawn botanicles.. I hate you for doing this to my hands, But really.. I can even get a dish soap that doesn't do that to my hands and I still hate doing dishes. I run out of clean sippy cups quite often. You would think this would be a wake-up call to do dishes more, correct? Wrong! I just go out and buy more sippy cups so I don't have to do dishes as often! That.. right there.. is my bad mom/house-wife of the day award! Go me! :)

Other than that things have been going okay. Kyla is going through a horrible stage. Her temper tantrums are at a high and she even took up hitting. WTF?! My perfect little angel.. hitting..? Who does that little girl think she is?! So I have been trying everything to get her little 'tude under control. Not working. at all. Tips are very welcome! I am loosing my mind. So other than dealing with my wonderful brat of a daughter (and I mean that in the most loving way) I am still searching for a major. Eventually it will come to me. Hopefully sooner rather than later. That's all for now.

Bye :)

HE GOT THE JOB!!

Okay, so we got the call this morning that he did get the job! yay! put in his two week notice at the job he's at now.. and he will start his new job Feb. 7th! I really didn't think they would call this morning, but they did! :) I couldn't have been happier. I am looking into going back to school. Hardcore looking. I have been out for almost a whole year. Yikes! I never thought I would want to go back soo bad! But, I miss it. I miss school. I miss getting smart. I love learning new things. Things im passionate about. I have been going up in the air about what I want to major in. I have changed my mind 2348642312 times. No kidding. I almost declared myself a failure.. but, it's getting better. I think i've made up my mind. Maybe. I am not taking any drastic measures of enrolling and wasting money until I know for sure. Luckily, when I was doing college I got my whole year paid for (except one semester of books) due to my smarts :) (Thank you 4.0) So I didn't waste a ton of money. I can deal with a 700 dollar student loan.. that I am paying off next month! No more debt for this lady! Well.. I think that is all I have to write about.

I am sure I will have more to write about at the end of this weekend.. if we actually even venture out of the house this weekend. It's supposed to be super cold! BRRR! :(

Bye for now! :)

Anticipation Kills!

So Tyler and I are patiently (or not so much) waiting for the phone call to tell us if he for sure gets the job or not! I seriously can't stinken wait any longer!! I want to know NOW. I am just so anxious.. I don't think we are going to hear about it today, but a girl can wish right?! So I guess i'll just wait.. and wait.. and wait. Oh gosh hurrythehellupandpickupthedamnphoneandlethimknowforgodsakes!! Okay, im done. :)

On a very negative note.. I ended up pretty ticked off the other day. Since kyla's grandma hadn't seen her in a couple weeks she said she wanted to meet us for icecream. Well she never showed up! Can you say ticked off?! Not only did I waste my time and gas to get there, but how can you 'forget' to come see your granddaughter! Might I add this was the SECOND time she has done this. Efffffff youuuu!!! So, of course she changed the story. I'll explain. When I asked her where she was she said 'home why?' and I was like we were supposed to meet for icecream. and her exact words were 'oh shit I forgot' then after she realized I was ticked off she changed her story and said 'sorry i was reading I lost track of time if I known what time it was I would have been there'. Really?! Because that was pretty much your excuse LAST time! So she BEGGED me to let her come over and I was like uhm, NO! Sorry. But guess what.. pretty soon kyla is going to be old enough to understand what is going on and I am NOT explaining to her why her grandma forgot about her! It really just ticks me off!

Okay so enough about that. Kyla is fifteen months old now! YIKES! She is in the 25th for weight (she was just below the 50th) and she is still in the 95th for height! She is so tall! Not sure where she gets it from. Her development is of a two year old.. well in the working of a two year old. She is doing everything an eighteen month old she be doing and is doing things a two year old should be doing. Which is pretty exciting! But, she has always been that way. She is starting to get used to the big girl potty! She looooves sitting on it! She goes up to it and says 'this' and starts taking off her diaper. She hasn't done anything on it yet, but it is still really early. I am not rushing/pushing things. She will do things when she is ready too.

That really is all for now. :)

Vent.

Read at your own risk: I really need to vent. Since Tyler has the car all day everyday for school and work that leaves me stuck at home.. all day.. every day. It's truly taking it's toll on me. I do nothing, but sit at home all day and cook and clean. I never get out! Unless you count going grocery shopping with kyla every two weeks 'getting out'. I just can't take being home any longer! I am so freaking sick of it!! Every little thing has been getting on my nerves.. and I think it's all because I never get out and I never get any 'me time'. evverrrrrrr!

I am sick of 'know it all people'. especially 'know it all people' on facebook! freaking anoying! Get a life!!
I am sick of drama via facebook. Stop arguing through a status! You know you don't have the balls to say this crap to each other in person so just stop!
I am sick of seeing parents (especially teenagers) putting themselves before their children! STAY HOME! STOP WASTING MONEY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ON YOURSELVES!! YOU HAVE KIDS NOW!!
I am sick of seeing people get knocked up just to get attention. Way to be mature!
I am sick of 'friends' that expect ME to feel sorry for them or expect ME to be happy for them when they don't ever do the same (this is a big one.. i'll explain later).
I am sick of facebook. period. I think I might actually get rid of it.
I am sick of people that used to talk to me all the time don't just because I have a baby. Yes, we are living two complete seperate lives, but you can atleast aknowledge me.. that would be nice.
I am sick of people that have been out of high school for TWO years now still bitch like we are in high school. (SOO glad I am not in that 'world' anymore).
This kind of goes back to the people not aknowlegding me.. I am sick of not having any friends! People say it'll get easier over time, but how does not having any friends get easier?! Okay I lied I do have one good friend, but she lives 45 minutes away and I hardly talk to her anymore! :(
I am sick of people pushing their religious views on me.. "you are going to hell because you had a child out of wed-lock" .. well shoot me whore because guess what?! You have had sex with the same amount of guys as I have and HOLY CRAP YOU'RE NOT MARRIED EITHER!! Way to be a hypocrite!

Ughhh!!

Okay now to explain the one about friends expecting me to be happy for them, but never return the favor. My one 'friend' (I shall never call this person this anymore) complains to me ALL the time. Of course, I feel bad for her (although not going to lie our money issue is WAY worse than theirs, but that's what friends do right?) She moved out.. he got a good job.. who was happy for her.. Me! Of course thats what friends do! She gets exciting news.. and who was happy for her? ME! She gets MORE exciting news and once again I was happy for her! Well Tyler got a call about a job offering.. making EASILY double what he makes now. I'm excited!! We actually won't be struggling with money! So I tell my friend and she says "oh. cool." seriously?! And that was the end of the conversation! Well screw you then! I am always happy for you but if you want to be a jealous you know what then FINE! Do I understand why she acted the way she did (other than she is a SUCKY 'friend') ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! My one friend is finally getting her life "situated" after a crappy end to a marriage.. well more like ending now.. and she is starting school.. I'm jealous! I am not going to lie.. because I can't go back to school right now.. But I am SOOO happy for her!! She deserves it and I am so proud of her for deciding to go back! I guess maybe I just choose crappy friends. It's whatever though. I don't care anymore. I don't need people that shitty in my life anymore.

I don't think I am done venting, but I am going to stop because this is making me more aggravated. I thought venting was supposed to help?? Sigh.. obviously not for me!

I hope everyone is having a better day than I am!

bye!

Where has time gone?!

Well, Christmas came and went and I had a great time. Kyla had a wonderful Christmas :) And I can't believe it's 2011! Holy shit! 2010 was pretty bad, so hopefully 2011 is much better. I have been having multiple conversations with different people about marriage. Now let me tell you a little about me and you may understand why this is a big thing. I was the never the girl that dreamed of her wedding. Maybe I should have known then.. but no.. So my freshman year of high school I started dating this boy. (actually it started the summer before, but just follow me on this) We dated, and dated, and dated some more. Finally after a couple years the word came up... Marriage? What? Me? No! But, I couldn't screw this up. "Yeah after we get out of high school and stuff.. we still have a lot to do first" Then came the "promise ring" who invented those gay things! Maybe it was because I told him no engagement ring now (OR EVER). I finally realized that I don't want to be married. That realization started the fights. He didn't understand why I thought marriage was dumb and stupid. (don't take this the wrong way to all of you guys that are married) I shouldn't say marriage is dumb and stupid.. it's great. But not for me! I know it's some physiological reason. Maybe a therapist is who I need to see. So anyways I am going to try to explain how many crazy brain thinks. Marriage- tied down, his last name (he owns me), divorce (popular thing now-a-days), relying on a guy (never, ever), setting myself up to get hurt etc. I could go on forever. But I think it all comes down to fear. I don't like divorce. I actually disagree with it.. marriage is supposed to be forever. So what happens when it comes down to being miserable or getting a divorce? People could change all the time. Now looking back, I think what scared me so much was my ex boyfriend. Perfect guy when I met him. Completely changed into a controlling, abusive jerk! I dealt with it for four years! Brainwashed me into thinking I couldn't get better than him and that all of our problems was my fault. It's a huge story. So now I think I'm afraid. I am waiting for tyler to change into this type of guy. Commitment has been huge since this relationship. I was afraid to commit to tyler. I was afraid of getting hurt again. I know it's retarded! I still tend to push tyler away. Like this marriage thing.. Anyways.. enough of this done rambling. The point is.. I have changed my mind. Finally. I am taking a leap of faith. We are going to look at a wedding place this friday! Yikes!!! I don't want to be afraid of the what if's for the rest of my life! Wish me luck! I am pretty excited, but I think tyler is even more excited than I am. I am starting this year off on good terms :) I hope I keep it up!