My Story - Here it is..

Why am I seeing young girls (when I say young I mean early teens.. 14,15, 16) wanting to get pregnant.. Yes you heard correctly.. WANTING. I wish I can change this.. I would be ecstatic happy if I could just change the mind of one girl (or two). So I am going to speak up. This is going to be long so you can stop reading now if you like. I am going to speak my mind (sorry if I offend anyone) and I am going to give the negatives of teen pregnancy (if you want to think I’m a bad mom with what I am about to say then fine so be it). I do not regret my daughter.. I regret the decisions I made.. The dumb retarded decisions.

I was like every other girl.. I couldn’t get pregnant. I got good grades.. I had a lot of friends.. I knew a lot of people.. And these people could say horrible things about me! That was my mind set. It is the mind set of most teenagers. I was in a serious relationship. When I lost my virginity I did not use a condom. I was petrified! What if I was pregnant?! What was I thinking?! Am I retarded?! Yes Mandy you are retarded! From now on I will always use protection! So I did.. But we dated and dated and dated. Condoms went out the window.. And the pull out method came in. We used it and we were fine. Maybe one pregnancy scare, but we got through it. No pregnancy. We broke up and I found another guy. We started out using condoms (great, right?) but that soon went out to window, also. Way too soon. For a dumb reasons ( I didn’t want to keep remember my ex as the only guy I didn’t use protection with). I wasn’t worried.. At all to be honest. I mean I used the pull out method for a while with my ex and nothing happened. I ended up getting on the pill. This little pill was it! I would never get pregnant now. Well here’s the reality. NOTHING IS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT EFFECTIVE. I know.. You’ve heard a million of times like I also have. I got sick.. My period was late.. Great. One month of not using the pull-out method and I was pregnant. I had been on the pill for a couple of months too. Never missed a dose… and I was pregnant. I was a senior in high school.. How can I be pregnant?! What if people find out?! Great.. I am now another statistic.

I am going to put this very bluntly.. I ruined my senior year of high school. This is supposed to be the best year of my life and it is SO far from that. I missed so much school due to morning sickness. In between classes my friends were holding my books so I could puke. This is NOT how I envisioned my senior year. I ended up missing prom. My senior freaking prom. I was too sick to go. Why spend all that money to puke?! It seemed retarded, but I was upset. So I graduated and became the talk of my class at graduation because I had a ’belly’. They never noticed it because I ended up wearing hoodies so that they didn’t notice it. I had so many plans for the summer before college. I was going to go away with all my friends and ‘party’ ( I didn’t drink but you can have a good time without drinking) the summer away. That didn’t happen at all. My pregnancy was miserable.. My back hurt all the time, I had contractions all the time, and my feet hurt so bad.. I didn’t even want to leave the house half the time. Plus it was hot out.. I don’t need to explain how that feels pregnant, do I? It’s horrible (plain and simple). Not only that, but my friends stopped talking to me. I don’t blame them.. What fun was some huge, Prego girl? I was no longer part of their world.. But I didn’t give up! I was NOT going to lose my friends. Summer came and went. I started college. I was so excited to kind of get back in the swing of things.. But I took all online classes (they told me it was my best option). My contractions were getting worse (so my doctor told me to take it easy) so they figured it would be best to stay home and I also wouldn’t have to worry about missing school when I had my daughter. Well.. There went my ‘swing of things’. I made the best of it though. It was nice to start learning again and I wasn’t known as the pregnant teenager.. Since nobody could see me! It was really nice.

My daughter was born in the middle of October. She had bad timing.. Exams were coming up!! I emailed my prof. and they told me to just get back on after I got home from the hospital. So much easier said then done. I lost so much blood (one point away from getting an infusion) so I was so weak, plus I was taking care of a newborn. Tyler went back to work right away.. It was hard juggling a newborn and school. I got SO far behind.. But I did end up catching up. I finished off the semester with a 4.0. AND some of my friends actually started talking to me again. SCORE!

The ‘new baby’ excitement wore off. My friends were trying to invite me to go out while everyone was home for winter break. When I mean they wanted me to go out I mean at like midnight to a club. HELLLOOOO!?! So of course I was like ‘so what am I supposed to do with kyla’ and I got back “oh yeah.. You’re a mom now”. Goodbye old friends. How much worse can this get?! I missed out on my senior year.. My senior prom.. I was the talk of my graduation (for not a good reason) and now I lost all my friends. So school started back up (Thank God!) I can get my mind of all this shit. Now that Kyla was a little older.. Studying became almost impossible. Kyla wanted me ALLL the time. If I tried having other people watch her she would scream and scream and scream the ENTIRE time. No kidding! It was ridiculous. I still struggled to keep up with the classes that I did have. Luckily, I finished the semester up and still got a 4.0 (but it was so much more difficult than I ever could have imagined). Life doesn’t get easier either. I thought it would.. I never knew parenting was so freaking difficult. There are times (many times) that I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I don’t get to sleep in anymore like someone my age usually does. I am up at 6 am every morning (or earlier if kyla chooses). If she wakes up in the middle of the night because of a fever I have to get up too. I don’t get to go out and do whatever, whatever I want. I have someone relying on me 24/7. It is a never -ending job. I no longer have any friends.. Nobody understands me.. We live in two completely separate worlds. Tyler and I used to be the ‘perfect’ couple that everyone envied. Now we fight.. A LOT! We fight about shit couples my age shouldn’t fight about. We shouldn’t have to worry how much diapers are going to cost this month or making sure my daughter keeps health insurance during his switch of jobs. This isn’t what a twenty year old should be doing. My college is officially on hold. I need to find something that doesn’t take so much time away from my daughter (because I don’t want to put her in daycare) and we really don’t have the extra money. So, of course I put my dreams on hold for her. Parents have to give and take… a lot. I really don’t understand why you would willingly give up your teenage years for dirty diapers, endless sleepless nights, spit up all over you, belly aches, constipation, doctors appointments, chasing around a toddler, stopping him/her from getting into everything etc. Don’t give me wrong motherhood is great.. But it will be GREATER when your older.. And more financially stable. If there is one thing I would change it would be my money situation. There is so much more I wish I could give my daughter (that she deserves) that I no I cant. So if you can’t wait for yourself.. Wait for your future child. You don’t want to deal with the stresses of motherhood while trying to finish high school and figure out who you are all at the same time. Girls have so many years to have children.. But once you have one you can’t take it back. You can’t get your teenage years back. These years are over soon enough as it so you might as well enjoy it while you have it. I will never get my senior year back.. Or any of these other years. Don’t get me wrong.. I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I did this to myself. I love my daughter with everything I am, but for her sake I wish I would have waited and been more careful. She deserves SO much that I know I can’t give her at this age. It sucks.. It really does. She deserves so much that I can’t give her.. Instead were struggling to try to give her everything she needs/wants. Not exactly the life I pictured giving my child.