Private.

It was brought to my attention that I can make my blog private (if you are reading this- thank you!). I think it will help my fears of posting pictures of my daughter on here (yes.. I am THAT crazy mom). This way I know exactly who is looking at them, because lets face it.. there are tons of creepy people out there. So here is the heads up.. Soon my blog will be private! :) Positives - I will start showing off pictures of Kyla and maybe say some things i've been holding back in case people I know are actually reading this. So to say the least im pretty stinken excited! :)

I was excited to take cute little pictures of Kyla all dressed up from yesterday. Well, that didn't happen. She came down with the flu and was throwing up everywhere (disgusting!) So she stayed in her jammies all day. (no cute dressed up pictures). Good news is she is feeling better today! I am glad it was only a twenty-four hour thing.. nothing breaks my heart more than seeing her miserable. :(

I really don't have anything to say. By the time my next post hits my blog will (hopefully) be private. I just have to figure out how to do it.. so if anyone knows how will you gladly help me? :)

Sad Week.

I know I said I would post pictures Monday ( and it is now Weds with no pictures) but, this week has NOT gone as planned. Sunday morning we got the call that Kyla's great-grandmother (tyler's grandma) passed away. So instead of this being an exciting week it has been pretty much everything but that. Calling hours are tonight with the funeral tomorrow morning followed by a dinner to celebrate her life. I am actually NOT looking forward to any of this. Not only are Kyla and I battling a HORRIBLE cold (which we finally got on antiobiotics for) but she is also getting a tooth (which makes her super, super fussy) Yikes! And because calling hours are tonight she will be out past her bedtime which will make her even more cranky. :( I feel bad because I don't want to be out around people sick (but need to be their to support ty) and I don't want kyla out all sick and crabby (but that's her great-grandma) so she SHOULD be there. :( I guess i'll update on how it goes. Tomorrow after the funeral and dinner, tyler has to go up to school and take a quiz and a final exam.. not exactly the way he should be spending that day. I hope he does good on it considering he hasn't had ANY time to study and tomorrow is going to be very stressful. To top it off, he is one of the men carrying the casket. That has to be tough :( I couldn't even imagine. I am just hoping he will be able to do it.

Monday night we did get to pick up the car though.. in the middle of an effing blizzard. Seriously snow?! You couldn't have waited?!?! Ugh. I'm so sick of snow.. Spring please come! Anyways, it runs awsome! I love, love, love it. OH.. and I looked at the gas mileage thingy on the dashboard and it said 27.. !!!!!!!! That may not be exciting for you, but I havent seen anything over 16 for a whole entire year! I am so happy that this is going to save us SO much on gas! And for once I actually own a nice, reliable car! I still can't believe it's mine though. I guess it will set in when I make the first car payment haha.

I guess that is all for now. I really want to post a picture of kyla in her little dress I bought, but I'm still a little eery about posting pictures of her *sigh*. I guess it'll just be a surprise to everyone to see if I actually do or not :)

Short and Sweet.

I am now the proud owner of a 2010 pontiac g6. :) I will post pictures Monday when we pick it up. It has to go through the inspection bull crap this weekend. I'm super excited! :)

Toys.

As of right now, I am that crazy mom searching through the internet trying to find out what my child's problem is and what I can do to fix it. This kid is spoiled.. plain and simple. I'll be the first to admit it. She has 5487221 toys. No kidding. They are taking over the whole house! The thing is she won't freaking play with them. I don't understand! For example: She points to her blocks and says 'dis dis' so I ask 'do you want your blocks?' she replies 'yes.' so I get them down and she gets excited and wants me to dump them out so I do and then she walks away. WTF?! Okay whatever maybe she is going to play with something else but she wont. She'll grab and toy and then put it down literally two seconds later. I'm not sure if she is bored with her toys or if this is just a phase. I'm thinking about going to toys r us and having her pick out some new and exciting toys, but I don't want people to be like 'wow your freaking retarded. don't you think she has enough toys?' and the truth is she does! But what is the point of having all these toys that she wants NOTHING to do with? I don't want her to be bored.. which I think she is. Last time she went to the doctor she was starting to do things a two year old was doing.. she was way way way past her age. (by the way she went to the doctor about a month or so ago) and the doctor said that might be why she throws so many temper tantrums during the day is because she's bored. Okay.. so I try to do different things with her but it's not working. I seriously think I am boring her. She did really get into coloring, but that ended. Now she just wants to eat the crayons. Any advice would be awesome! Is this a stage? Or do I seriously need to go out and get her different toys? If so, what would you recommend. Thank's so much!

Shopping!

So today (as is every other friday) was grocery shopping day. Not only did we have to do our grocery shopping, but we also had to buy tyler a new pair of steel toe work boots for work (he starts monday - yay!). Since I know nothing about work boots (and could honestly give a crap less) I went upstairs to the baby section. Let's start out by saying I no longer shop in the 'baby section'. 2t is in a completey different section. When did this happen?! When did I 'graduate' from shopping in the baby section. Wtf!! This upset me. But okay I can deal with this. I don't need that stupid baby section anyways.. Kyla will soon (or not...) be in 2t so that is where I did my looking today. So i'm in sears.. in the toddler section (or whatever you call that section) and there are clearance and sale signs EVERYWHERE. Score! I kept telling myself that I am going to buy a size up so Kyla will grow into it. She can't be in 18 months forever. I bought her an easter dress (originally 36.00 for 9.00!), a pair of pants (originally 6.00 for 2.00) a skirt ( originally 6.00 for 2.00) another pair of pants (originally 14.00 for 4.50) another cute little dress (originally 24.00 for 6.00) a shirt (originally 10.00 for 2.50) and I think that's it. I had a million things in the cart, but since we didn't exactly come for that I limited myself (although i'm kicking myself in the butt for it now). I bring all this stuff home and play 'dress up' with kyla. (If you ask her if she wants to try the stuff on she will scream and run away.. which is why I bring them home to try them on instead of in the fitting rooms). So everything I bought was 2t. Can you say HUGE! I'll be lucky if she gets into them by next year!! The dresses and shirt aren't so bad because they cant fall off of her but those pants.. poor little girl.. when she walks they fall off! Completely off. I really should have known because even her eighteen month clothes fall off.. but she is starting to outgrow them in length. She can't wear a belt with everything! And the one pair of pants I bought her are an elastic waist.. and still huge! It cracked me up when I put them on her though because she would walk holding up her pants. It had to be one of the cutest things! She also had to turn around to show me that her little butt (or diaper) was hanging out! I told tyler that we just might have to go back and buy some more in eighteen months! (Let's see if he actually lets me). Even though they do not exactly fit her she still LOVED them. She loved her little easter dress the most. I put it on her and she had to pose in it and she kept saying 'cheese' so I would grab the camera and take her picture. Conceited much? I think so! All in all today was a good day. I bought my groceries, got ty his new work boots and even bought kyla some clothes! Perfect day! Now only if this stupid cold weather could be replaced my nice warm weather.

My Story - Here it is..

Why am I seeing young girls (when I say young I mean early teens.. 14,15, 16) wanting to get pregnant.. Yes you heard correctly.. WANTING. I wish I can change this.. I would be ecstatic happy if I could just change the mind of one girl (or two). So I am going to speak up. This is going to be long so you can stop reading now if you like. I am going to speak my mind (sorry if I offend anyone) and I am going to give the negatives of teen pregnancy (if you want to think I’m a bad mom with what I am about to say then fine so be it). I do not regret my daughter.. I regret the decisions I made.. The dumb retarded decisions.

I was like every other girl.. I couldn’t get pregnant. I got good grades.. I had a lot of friends.. I knew a lot of people.. And these people could say horrible things about me! That was my mind set. It is the mind set of most teenagers. I was in a serious relationship. When I lost my virginity I did not use a condom. I was petrified! What if I was pregnant?! What was I thinking?! Am I retarded?! Yes Mandy you are retarded! From now on I will always use protection! So I did.. But we dated and dated and dated. Condoms went out the window.. And the pull out method came in. We used it and we were fine. Maybe one pregnancy scare, but we got through it. No pregnancy. We broke up and I found another guy. We started out using condoms (great, right?) but that soon went out to window, also. Way too soon. For a dumb reasons ( I didn’t want to keep remember my ex as the only guy I didn’t use protection with). I wasn’t worried.. At all to be honest. I mean I used the pull out method for a while with my ex and nothing happened. I ended up getting on the pill. This little pill was it! I would never get pregnant now. Well here’s the reality. NOTHING IS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT EFFECTIVE. I know.. You’ve heard a million of times like I also have. I got sick.. My period was late.. Great. One month of not using the pull-out method and I was pregnant. I had been on the pill for a couple of months too. Never missed a dose… and I was pregnant. I was a senior in high school.. How can I be pregnant?! What if people find out?! Great.. I am now another statistic.

I am going to put this very bluntly.. I ruined my senior year of high school. This is supposed to be the best year of my life and it is SO far from that. I missed so much school due to morning sickness. In between classes my friends were holding my books so I could puke. This is NOT how I envisioned my senior year. I ended up missing prom. My senior freaking prom. I was too sick to go. Why spend all that money to puke?! It seemed retarded, but I was upset. So I graduated and became the talk of my class at graduation because I had a ’belly’. They never noticed it because I ended up wearing hoodies so that they didn’t notice it. I had so many plans for the summer before college. I was going to go away with all my friends and ‘party’ ( I didn’t drink but you can have a good time without drinking) the summer away. That didn’t happen at all. My pregnancy was miserable.. My back hurt all the time, I had contractions all the time, and my feet hurt so bad.. I didn’t even want to leave the house half the time. Plus it was hot out.. I don’t need to explain how that feels pregnant, do I? It’s horrible (plain and simple). Not only that, but my friends stopped talking to me. I don’t blame them.. What fun was some huge, Prego girl? I was no longer part of their world.. But I didn’t give up! I was NOT going to lose my friends. Summer came and went. I started college. I was so excited to kind of get back in the swing of things.. But I took all online classes (they told me it was my best option). My contractions were getting worse (so my doctor told me to take it easy) so they figured it would be best to stay home and I also wouldn’t have to worry about missing school when I had my daughter. Well.. There went my ‘swing of things’. I made the best of it though. It was nice to start learning again and I wasn’t known as the pregnant teenager.. Since nobody could see me! It was really nice.

My daughter was born in the middle of October. She had bad timing.. Exams were coming up!! I emailed my prof. and they told me to just get back on after I got home from the hospital. So much easier said then done. I lost so much blood (one point away from getting an infusion) so I was so weak, plus I was taking care of a newborn. Tyler went back to work right away.. It was hard juggling a newborn and school. I got SO far behind.. But I did end up catching up. I finished off the semester with a 4.0. AND some of my friends actually started talking to me again. SCORE!

The ‘new baby’ excitement wore off. My friends were trying to invite me to go out while everyone was home for winter break. When I mean they wanted me to go out I mean at like midnight to a club. HELLLOOOO!?! So of course I was like ‘so what am I supposed to do with kyla’ and I got back “oh yeah.. You’re a mom now”. Goodbye old friends. How much worse can this get?! I missed out on my senior year.. My senior prom.. I was the talk of my graduation (for not a good reason) and now I lost all my friends. So school started back up (Thank God!) I can get my mind of all this shit. Now that Kyla was a little older.. Studying became almost impossible. Kyla wanted me ALLL the time. If I tried having other people watch her she would scream and scream and scream the ENTIRE time. No kidding! It was ridiculous. I still struggled to keep up with the classes that I did have. Luckily, I finished the semester up and still got a 4.0 (but it was so much more difficult than I ever could have imagined). Life doesn’t get easier either. I thought it would.. I never knew parenting was so freaking difficult. There are times (many times) that I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I don’t get to sleep in anymore like someone my age usually does. I am up at 6 am every morning (or earlier if kyla chooses). If she wakes up in the middle of the night because of a fever I have to get up too. I don’t get to go out and do whatever, whatever I want. I have someone relying on me 24/7. It is a never -ending job. I no longer have any friends.. Nobody understands me.. We live in two completely separate worlds. Tyler and I used to be the ‘perfect’ couple that everyone envied. Now we fight.. A LOT! We fight about shit couples my age shouldn’t fight about. We shouldn’t have to worry how much diapers are going to cost this month or making sure my daughter keeps health insurance during his switch of jobs. This isn’t what a twenty year old should be doing. My college is officially on hold. I need to find something that doesn’t take so much time away from my daughter (because I don’t want to put her in daycare) and we really don’t have the extra money. So, of course I put my dreams on hold for her. Parents have to give and take… a lot. I really don’t understand why you would willingly give up your teenage years for dirty diapers, endless sleepless nights, spit up all over you, belly aches, constipation, doctors appointments, chasing around a toddler, stopping him/her from getting into everything etc. Don’t give me wrong motherhood is great.. But it will be GREATER when your older.. And more financially stable. If there is one thing I would change it would be my money situation. There is so much more I wish I could give my daughter (that she deserves) that I no I cant. So if you can’t wait for yourself.. Wait for your future child. You don’t want to deal with the stresses of motherhood while trying to finish high school and figure out who you are all at the same time. Girls have so many years to have children.. But once you have one you can’t take it back. You can’t get your teenage years back. These years are over soon enough as it so you might as well enjoy it while you have it. I will never get my senior year back.. Or any of these other years. Don’t get me wrong.. I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I did this to myself. I love my daughter with everything I am, but for her sake I wish I would have waited and been more careful. She deserves SO much that I know I can’t give her at this age. It sucks.. It really does. She deserves so much that I can’t give her.. Instead were struggling to try to give her everything she needs/wants. Not exactly the life I pictured giving my child.

Sorry.

I know I said that I would get the teenage pregnancy post on here butttttt, i'm slacking -hardcore! Between my washer going down (and having to go to my in-laws to do laundry) and preparing for this stupid winter storm and the fact that I leave my laptop in the bedroom where kyla is sleeping (way to freaking go!) I haven't had time. :( I have it started.. well it's almost finished.. I just need to go back through and check it and finish it up. So i'll get it to you..eventually. haha

So Tyler and I did our income tax.. pretty freaking exciting! :) We are using it to put towards my student loans, put some into savings and then the rest is going on a down payment on a car! This will be my first time ever making a payment on a car. Yikes! My last car tyler and I paid cash for. We're still not a hundred percent sure what car we want, but with tyler's one hour commute to work and another hour commute to school our 16 mpg SUV isn't cutting it. So far I think I have my little heart set on the pontiac g6, but that could change! I have a lot of looking and test driving to do. I'll keep everyone updated on how my search is going.

Since this weather is so horrible tyler took today off of school and will probably take tonight off of work! :) I'm trying to spoend all the time I possibly can with him this week, because next week he starts his new job and with school and work I will literally NEVER see him. It's pretty much going to suck but you have to do what you have to do. I'll post again later either with my post i've been working on or a new post!