Hard Week.

This past week has been too eventful. On monday my mom got rushed to the hospital (needless to say I have never driven so fast in my life). They found out they she had a heart attack. Tuesday (yesterday) they found out that she had three blockages to her heart (two were 95% blocked and the other one was 100% blocked). She went through surgery and is now doing good. This is her third night in the hospital and she is more than ready to come home. It's such a scary thought to think that I could lose my mother when she is only 43. That is too young to be going through what she is going through. I am so very thankful that she is alright and so thankful for the people who have kept her in their prayers! I know God was definately with her. I am starting to wonder if maybe he was doing this for a reason. If though it's horrible He must have His reasons. We've been having family problems for quite sometime now. Since my grandpa died pretty much (which was eight years ago this month). For some reason though we all kept holding on by a little thread of hope. Hope that maybe they hadn't changed as much as it seemed they had and hope that maybe they actually care and just don't know how to show it. I don't know exactly. But now, all that hope is gone. How can you possibly go without calling your own aunt/sister/DAUGHTER to find out how she is doing?? People she hasn't talked to for years have even been praying for her and wishing her a fast recovery. It's nice to know that her own damn family can't do that. That seems so impossible to me, but obviously it is. We have done so much for them; we have ALWAYS been there for them but I guess that is not appreciated at all. It is officially whatever. I could not care less about them at all! Ugh!!

As for my family, everything is going great! Kyla is getting bigger and bigger by the day. She is almost 7 1/2 months old already! I can't believe it. Since this was the first time i've been back at the hospital since I had her, it really starts bringing back memories. I can't believe that it has been seven months since my water broke. That is insane!! It has been horribly hard to have to leave kyla while I am at the hospital. I am glad I am able to leave her with people I truly trust though. It makes the stress level remain low. Since I haven't been home all week and were not one hundred percent sure my mom is getting released tomorrow I have a ton of things to do.

Goodnight :)

Wow!

I really wish I had a life so that I would actually have something to write about. Unforunately I don't. :( Kyla is officially seven months old. I can't believe that in a few short months I am going to be planning her first birthday. It's so sad! I'm glad that she is growing and learning though. Other than spending time with her nothing has happened. This is going to be a very short post. Hopefully next time I'll have something to talk about.

Goodbye :)

Update.

I think i'm just going to give an update. Not too much has gone on - surprise, surprise! My first mother's day went fantastic! Got a surprise text from my cousin wishing me a happy mother's day. I didn't expect that at all, actually. It's really pathetic how a family that used to be so close couldn't be any farther apart. It's quite sad. It's even more sad to know that if my grandpa was still alive nothing would be like this. Speaking of that, this month he has been dead for 7 years. It's amazing that seven years have come and gone and I can still remember the day like it was yesterday. Grandpa - you will always be in my heart and soul and I really wish you were here sometimes to make things better! :(

On a better note, maybe things between Tyler's family and I are actually getting better! After waiting for ty to talk to them, I gave up and talked to them myself. Now that were okay, hopefully it lasts. I don't try to get confrontational, but at the same time i'm not the one to avoid it either. I can't stand when I feel obligated to do certain things. GRR. But maybe things will get better from here on out. I can only hope.

I got to thinking on my way home tonight how much Kyla truly means to me. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would have a child by the age of 19, but now that she's here I want nothing more to give her everything she could ever dream of (although I know that's not possible). I try to give her so much, but it never seems like enough! I honestly don't understand it. Do all moms feel this way? She's almost seven months old and already I don't think she has enough things (clothes, toys etc.) I just want to give her more, more, more!! I guess I just want the best for her. She has done so much for me in the short seven months that she has been in this world and no amount of anything will ever repay her. I just want to be the best mommy I possibly can be because she deserves that and so much more. I know I am doing something right when the only way for her to stop crying is for me to take her. She could be screaming her head off and no matter what anyone does she doesn't stop until she gets me. It makes my heart melt every single time. To know that she is growing up so fast before my eyes makes me want to cry like a little baby. In four more months, my baby will be a year old :( It's so sad!! I know that these past seven months have been the best seven months of my life because of her and she is going to bring me so much more joy!

I am officially done rambling on now. I think it's time for bed. Goodnight :)

Rambling

So I am officially becoming stressed. I have one more exam and then I am finally done with school. Only problem is- I still don't have a school to go to :( At first I was stressing because I wasn't going to have a summer vacation because I was going to go to school all year round, and now I am stressing because I don't have a school to go to. Oh well, I guess i'll just have to see what happens.

On a different note, I am so excited for summer. There are so many things I want to do with Kyla. Our first summer vacation as a family.. I can't be anymore excited! :) Except, I don't know where I want to go. ugh! Tyler and I went to the Columbus Zoo last year, so maybe Cinci Zoo this year? It could be a possibility. I definatley need ideas and to do some serious research.

I got to thinking yesterday about how crazy life is. My best friend is graduating this year. It makes me sad to know that we're all growing up. Then I got to thinking about my high school years and how ridiculous it is that I talk to NOBODY that I went to school with. It is so pathetic actually. I always knew that friends went there seperate ways after high school, but this soon? Especially since they still all live around here. I guess you find out who your true friends are. Even though I don't get to see Robbie much, I do know he's a true friend and he loves Kyla to death. It's so cute! It's nice to know that he's stuck around through soo much. It's insane. We went from meeting when I was in 8th grade to now him becoming "Uncle Robbie." Life is weird.

I am done rambling now. Maybe next time I will actually have something interesting to talk about.

Goodbye :)